It’s been a few weeks, I know. But I’ve been trying to collect myself to write this, so here it goes.
About 3 weeks ago, I fried our microwave. Its kind of an oxymoron, I know. My husband decided one night that he would stay out late and have a beer leaving me with the kids, on a day that I felt I really needed him. This is unfortunately a common occurrence with him.
To clarify my deeply rooted emotion, my husband works hours that has him leaving the house before the kids leave for school and not coming home till 12 hours later at least 4 days a week. Leaving me to get the kids ready for school, get them on the bus on time, then to daycare, then me to work, then to squeeze a workout in, then pick them up, come home, cook dinner and attempt to clean some of my house, all while getting my son’s homework done, and dealing with the 15 demands a minute my kids have even though they are fed, clean, and otherwise cared for.
My head splits in multiple directions as I try to focus on every task all at once. The problem with having a psychic connection to my children is when they want something or need me, it’s not just their words or crying I hear, but their “call” to me on that psychic level. Effectively turning 2 young children into 4 voices instead of 2.
Sometimes as a mom who works full time, I feel a sense of desperation as I find myself looking forward to the 10 minutes I spend on myself showering after being around ill people all day. A bonus of showers and water is that water molecules are a 3 pointed magnet on an atomic level with 2 positive ends and one negative. Water acts almost like a psychic Xanax. If you have a overwhelmed psychic on your hands, just add water. Supposedly the water pulls the negatively charged ions and energy off the individual, expelling some of the energy build up. So I’m not just washing away the days grime; I’m cleansing my being of negative energy.
So I’m home, and I’m tired and dirty, still in gym clothes. The kids won’t stop asking for things, and my house is a mess. I’m frustrated because my husband is not home without even asking me if I needed him. My anger builds and builds, and I can feel it swelling inside me from hurt and a sensation of feeling trapped, and then my 2 yr old daughter asks for popcorn. I was in the middle of washing a giant pile of dishes that had piled up, because my husband goes through spurts of archaic thinking where he thinks things like house work are a “woman’s job.” Which I usually call bullshit on and snap him out of when he pushes me too far. But tonight, he was not there. He wasn’t there to help me! And with all the hurt, frustration, and anger I placed the popcorn bag in the microwave and punched in the number with my still dripping hands as a tear went down my cheek. My emotions came to a head as I pressed start and then my microwave made a terrible noise as it started up and then continued to sound like it was on a count down to explode instead of popping pop corn.
I turned it off and stared at it, realizing I had just effectively fried our 1yr old microwave with my negative feelings. My daughter was still crying for popcorn and I cooked some for her on the stove like I normally do when I have the time. But I was pissed at myself for what happened. When my husband did come home and asked what happened I just told him the barest of truth. That I had tried to use it and it stopped working. How do you explain to people something like that. "Oh, Babe. You didn’t come home when I wanted you to so my psychic powers manifested, effectively frying yet another electronic item in our home."
Go ahead and try saying that out loud and remain serious. That’s about how I would feel myself.
I know what your thinking at this point. “How can she be married to someone who doesn’t even believe that psychics exist?” Well, there is a couple of things. Despite that my husband is the antagonist in this particular instance, he is a good rock solid man, and has been there for me when NO ONE and I mean NO ONE was there for me through deaths, financial trouble, military, health problems, and so many other things. He is rough around the edges, stubborn as all hell, and can be a pain in the ass, but if push comes to shove, that man would die for me and our children. And to be honest, when we met 10 years ago, I didn’t want to be psychic, nor did I even want to acknowledge that I was regardless of my lifetime of experiences.
He will grudgingly admit that there is something about his wife. He has seen me bring full grown men to tears with just a few sentences, and help friends with very personal things that I just knew. I don’t know if he will ever say the words, but I think he knows just the same. Does that mean that we talk about it? Nope. I have a hard time talking about it in front of him even with the friends who know what I do.
My father in law came over today to visit me since I’m at home, unable to work and stuck on crutches since surgery 2 weeks ago. I “came out” to him in the middle of our conversation about the microwave. He is an interesting man, my father in law. A wood carver, hippie to the core, he has what most people would describe as a “free spirit.” And you know, he admitted to seeing auras! What makes the revelation even more interesting is that my husband’s mother doesn’t believe in this kind of thing either. I always knew he had something, but now we can talk about it. It’s nice to know someone is in the same boat as you, even if being on that boat can really suck sometimes. I guess misery really does love company.